


I Know Your Pain

by Emme2589



Category: Henry Stickmin Series (Video Games)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Blood and Injury, Capital Gains Ending | CG (Henry Stickmin), Coping, Cutting, Eventual Romance, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Graphic Description, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Scars, Selectively Mute Henry Stickmin, Self-Harm, Sharing a Bed, Sign Language, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vomiting, in the rbh endings henry and charles are good friends i dont make the rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27694184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emme2589/pseuds/Emme2589
Summary: Ellie catches Henry with a blade in his hand and blood in the sink.Little does he know, she's been through this before, and she knows how to help.
Relationships: Henry Stickmin/Ellie Rose
Comments: 11
Kudos: 51





	I Know Your Pain

Henry's house was in the middle of nowhere, so it was eerily quiet as Ellie lay on the couch after such a long adventure. She was still tired and sore from when Right Hand Man had hit her hard enough to bruise her ribs, her spine creaking from the pressure and making black spots dance in her vision. They may have an entire train car's worth of gold under their belts now, but it hadn't come easily or quickly.

She was so tired, but the pain wouldn't let her sleep.

Down the short hallway, the light turned on, and then the bathroom door shut and locked. She wasn't alarmed by this, as Henry's room was just down the hall and he was probably just up to use the bathroom. She didn't even think about it, as she was halfway into an unconscious stupor, simply too exhausted to keep her eyes open.

Then, she heard a sound that made her sit bolt-upright, suddenly wide awake.

She'd heard the clatter of metal hitting ceramic.

There was a long moment of silence after that. Ellie felt a chill deep in her bones, and she pulled Henry's blanket tighter around her shoulders. It was such an innocuous sound. Henry could have easily dropped a heavy toothbrush or stray razor, but her mind wouldn't stop conjuring up images of shaking hands, blood in the sink, a blade sharpened to a point.

She tried to calm herself, but her heart was hammering against the inside of her ribcage. She squeezed the collar of her shirt in a tight grip, her legs burning with the phantom pain of emotional turmoil and an unhealthy distraction.

 _It's nothing._ she told herself, _There's no way Henry would do something like that. He's fine._

And yet, her stomach wouldn't stop churning.

After a bit of deliberation, Ellie cast the blanket side and swung her legs out over the couch, standing on legs that wobbled like they were made of paper. She just needed to put her mind at ease, and then she could go to sleep.

Ellie's bare feet padded over the carpet, and she slowly put both hands on the bathroom door. She pressed her ear to it, listening carefully for any other sounds.

It was quiet for a long time, but finally, there was a sharp inhale, like a gasp, and then a pained, shaky exhale. A very faint dripping sound. A slap against the counter.

Ellie's fear response took over, and she dug into her pants for a lockpick. She quickly broke through the lock, and the door swung open.

Henry was partway through a cut on his wrist.

"Henry!?"

Henry jumped, cutting far deeper than he intended by accident, and he yelped as the box cutter tumbled into the sink. The counter and sink were covered in blood, which was quickly seeping out of the many cuts on Henry's left arm.

The two ex-convicts held eye contact for a moment before a hot burning sensation shot up Ellie's throat and she pushed past him to the toilet, throwing the seat back to throw up into it. She hadn't eaten much since before the heist, so all that came up was slimy stomach acid and the minimal remnants of toast and coffee. She coughed, spitting into the bowl before flushing the toilet and brushing her hair back. Henry was frozen in shock, the bleeding on his arm slowing as it congealed.

Ellie glared at him, wiping her mouth off with a bit of toilet paper before throwing the toilet seat down, "Sit."

He automatically obeyed, sitting on the edge of the lid.

"Let me see your arm."

He handed it over without protest, and she reached under the sink to find the first aid kit. She opened it up on the floor, and then she grabbed a clean towel from the rack behind the toilet before crouching in front of Henry and pressing the towel into the wounds to soak up the excess blood. Once the wounds had stopped bleeding, she grabbed a washcloth and soaked it in antiseptic before cleaning up the cuts and then wrapping them in bandages.

Henry avoided her gaze, trying to shield his face with his right arm, still smeared with blood.

Ellie closed up the kit, "Stand."

He did. She guided him to the sink, and her throat burned again as her eyes fell on the blood still clinging to the porcelain. She swallowed the rising bile in her esophagus, turned on the faucet, and used her hands to pour the flowing water over the sink so the thick red liquid was washed down the drain. Once she'd done that, she gingerly retrieved the box cutter from the sink and clicked it closed before slipping it into her pocket. Then, she took Henry's bloody arm and rinsed it off under the faucet, using a bit of soap to scrub it clean.

She stilled as she used a fresh towel to dry his arm. There was still a bit of blood stuck under his fingernails, but the worst of the mess was gone.

Henry still didn't meet her eye. She knew; He could tell that she had questions, and he was bracing for something. Maybe he was waiting for her to blow up at him in anger, or sneer in disgust. Maybe he thought she would be afraid of him. Judge him. Pity him in a condescending way. Think he was crazy.

Instead, she whispered, "How long?"

Henry swallowed around the lump in his throat, lifting his right arm to sign, "More than." lifted four fingers, and then finger-spelled, "Year."

Over four years ago. Ellie closed her eyes to breathe out slowly.

When she opened them again, Henry had his gaze directly on the ground, his feet shuffling awkwardly on the bathroom tile.

Ellie had a strong protective instinct, so seeing her battle partner so hurt and vulnerable made her want to erase that terrified frown in any way she could. She knew she wasn't doing him any favors by sitting around not reacting, but she wasn't sure how else to cope with her own feelings that had made her react so badly to the sight of blood in the sink.

"Henry." Ellie wrapped an arm around his back, "Let's get you back to bed."

He nodded, still avoiding her gaze, and she led him down the hallway to his bedroom. Ellie urged him to lay down, and he did as she pulled the covers up over him, careful of the bandages around his left forearm.

"Wait here. I'll be right back."

Ellie left Henry's room to pour him a tall glass of water from the kitchen and grab a plush fleece blanket from the hallway closet before returning with both items. She handed him the water, and he sat up and drank it all before setting the glass aside as Ellie wrapped the blanket around his shoulders, bundling him up tight like she was wrapping a burrito. She wrapped both arms around him, giving his shoulders a firm squeeze.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" Ellie's fluffy eyelashes brushed up against his jawline, "Are you in any pain? D'you need more water?"

Henry melted into her arms. He shook his head as he nuzzled into her cheek like he craved the loving touch. After a long moment he pulled back, finding his voice, though it croaked slightly.

"Why do you care?"

It wasn't asked in an offended or accusatory way. He asked it in a curious, slightly-bewildered sort of way that made Ellie's heart reach out towards him.

Ellie stroked his cheek, "Because...we're allies. We work together. We take care of each other. I doubt we would have survived out there without each other, especially after I hit Petrov with that stop sign."

Henry smiled slightly at the memory.

"I guess..." Ellie sat back on her knees, sagging into the queen-size mattress, "I care about you because you helped me, and because I don't like seeing people suffer."

He bobbed his head up and down as his eyelids grew heavy.

"Here. You should sleep." Ellie scooted back, "I'll just-!"

"No!"

His hand caught her wrist before her feet hit the ground, and she paused with one leg out towards the door.

Henry's face flushed red, and he retracted his hand, _"S-s-sorry...y-you can go..."_

Ellie's heart painfully slammed into her breastbone, and she found herself climbing into the bed beside him.

"Hey, I mean it, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean..."

"Hey. Look at me." Ellie took either side of his head as they faced each other on the pillow, "It's okay. I can stay if you feel safer with company."

Henry relaxed, and Ellie rolled over, feeling the lump in her pocket from the sheathed box cutter. She took it out and stealthily hid it beneath the mattress, between slats of wood in the bed frame. Hopefully, he wouldn't find where it was hidden.

She felt a cold shock through her body as Henry wrapped both arms around her waist to snuggle into her shoulder blades.

_"Don't leave, Ellie..."_

Her instincts were setting off alarm bells, but Henry quickly fell asleep after that, his grip loose enough that she could break it without much effort. Somehow, though, she didn't want to. She liked the idea that she made Henry feel safe, and as she relaxed against his chest under the covers, she found that the mind-numbing pain was slowly getting easier to ignore.

***

When she awoke in the morning, Henry was gone. She had a pounding headache, but at least her ribs didn't hurt so much anymore. She climbed out of bed slowly before heading out towards the kitchen.

Henry was standing at the big window on the far side of the room, loosely picking at the edge of the bandage on his arm. She stood in the doorway, just watching him as he seemed to have an internal debate with himself.

After a bit, she joined him by the window, "Good morning, Henry."

Henry didn't respond.

Should she talk about what she saw? Bringing it up now didn't seem like the best idea, but she didn't want it hanging in the air either. She wanted to say _something_ to put his mind at ease, but she didn't know how to bring up the topic.

"Ellie?"

She snapped her gaze up to him, "Oh...yeah?"

He leaned forward until his head rested on the window, "You aren't gonna...tell anyone about this, are you?"

"What? No, of course not. I wouldn't dream of it."

He sighed heavily, "Good. Just making sure."

Again, the words were on the tip of Ellie's tongue, but she couldn't get them out.

"I know, I know it looks crazy, I know it looks stupid, but I can't find a better way to cope." Henry rambled, "I can't stop. Just...please...don't..."

Ellie touched his lips with one finger, "I know. Trust me, Henry. I _know."_

He pushed her hand away, "But you _don't!_ How could you _possibly_ understand!?"

Ellie scowled at him, then she let her expression fall.

"Henry...can I show you something? And you have to promise you won't tell anyone!"

Henry's face shifted to one of concern, and he nodded quickly.

Ellie shyly took his hand and led him back into the bedroom. Standing across from him, she took a deep breath and pushed her pajama pants down to her ankles, lifting her shirt a bit to expose her thighs.

Henry's hands flew up to cover his mouth. There were several faded grey lines crisscrossed over her skin, from her hips down to just above her knees. Henry knelt down to inspect the scars, reaching out with one hand, his gaze flicking up to meet Ellie's until he received a nod, and his thumb gently traced one of the lines from her inner thigh to outer thigh.

He looked up at her again, his expression flooded with pure empathy. Ellie felt incredibly vulnerable like this. She hadn't shown her scars to anyone in years, least of all someone she'd known for less than a week, but she trusted Henry. He of all people should understand this pain.

He slowly got to his feet, taking the waistband of her pants to pull them back up around her waist until his arms were around her back, holding her close. She huddled into him, her cheek pressed into his collarbone, and she listened to the steady beat of his heart.

"You _do_ understand..."

Ellie nodded.

"So that's why you threw up, and that's why you knew how to fix it so well." Henry squeezed her tighter, "God, Ellie, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. You just scared me."

"No. It's _not_ okay." Henry pulled back, "You don't _throw up_ in response to trauma, Ellie. I saw you get restrained by Grigori hard enough to bruise your wrists without even flinching, and yet seeing me hurt myself-!"

"No no no! Stop!" Ellie was feeling sick again, swaying as she waved her arms at him to make him stop talking, "You couldn't have known I was listening. You couldn't have known that I've been through this song and dance before. You couldn't have known that I would react badly to the blood in the sink..." tears filled her eyes until she couldn't see, "Henry...please don't do that again. You scared me. Please stop hurting yourself."

"I don't know how!"

"Let me help you!"

_"I don't know how!"_

Ellie hugged him again, her tears soaking into his shirt, "I know it's hard. I _know_ it's hard, but you can do it. It's going to be okay."

She knew Henry wouldn't believe her. She knew it because she didn't believe people who told her the same thing a few years ago, but she tried to put as much conviction as she could into the words, hoping that his trust in her outweighed his hopelessness and fear.

Henry was a strong man, so it was jarring to see him like this. Although, Ellie had a sinking feeling that he was often like this when he was alone.

***

Fast forward about four days. Henry had gotten back in contact with an old friend in the military, said his name was Charles, and he managed to get the several bank accounts he'd opened verified. The funds they'd stolen from the Toppats were completely legal, since nobody could trace Toppat raides enough to reimburse victims, although Henry made it clear that if victims were found, those particular funds were fair game. It was nothing compared to what was on the Toppat orbital station though, so that's what the government was more focused on at the moment.

_"We're working on taking down that station as we speak. Would you be down to help us out again?"_

Henry smiled over the phone, "What's in it for me?"

 _"Of course, I should have known."_ Charles laughed good-naturedly, _"I'm glad some things never change. Don't worry, this is a job, so we're gonna pay you for it. So many of these Toppats have huge bounties over their heads that I'm sure you're interested in."_

Henry got dollar signs in his eyes, "I knew I could count on you, Charles! Call me up when it's time for the mission!"

_"See ya then, buddy!"_

All was well, or so Ellie thought.

She was sitting on the couch, mindlessly flicking through tv channels, when she heard a plate crash to the floor in the kitchen. She leapt from the couch and ran towards the sound. Henry had stumbled into the counter after rifling through the drawers, seemingly looking for something before realizing that it had been moved.

"Henry?"

Henry's gaze snapped up to her. His leg was bleeding from the shattered ceramic, but he didn't feel it as he stumbled around the broken plate towards her, his hands shaking violently.

_"Ellie, where's my box cutter?"_

Ellie forced herself to stay on her feet as she caught Henry before he could fall and get hurt.

_"Where is it? I need it."_

"No you don't." Ellie guided him away from the mess and pushed him back into one of the kitchen chairs, "You don't need it."

_"Yes I do."_

"No you don't!" Ellie fixed him with the sternest glare she could muster, "You don't need it! I'm not giving it to you, and I'm not telling you where it is!"

 _"Then what should I do!?"_ Henry had begun to cry, the tears spilling over like waterfalls, _"It's all too much! There's too much pressure! I can't handle it!"_

Ellie pushed him back into the chair, "Just breathe for a second, okay? Don't move."

She hurried to the freezer and dug into the ice box for a big ice cube. This was the trick she used herself until she found better coping mechanisms. If it didn't work, then she would just have to try something else. Henry was scratching his face by the time she returned.

"Stop!" she smacked his hands away, "Give me your arm. Hold still."

He did, though he was still shaking, and she pushed a flat side of the ice cube to the inside of his right wrist, where she knew he would be sensitive. He flinched, but then his eyes widened at the new sensation.

Ellie let herself smile a little, knowing this was a good reaction, "Shockingly cold, isn't it?"

He slowly nodded, and his left hand came up to meet hers. Ellie slid the cube down to Henry's palm and then up towards the inside of his elbow, which made him shiver.

"Is that better?"

He wiped his tears away as he nodded again.

"Good." Ellie's voice dropped to a soothing tone, "That's good."

Ellie held the ice cube to Henry's wrist until the skin was red and numb. He still seemed tense and on edge though, so on a whim, she reached up with the melting ice cube to press to his throat. He flinched again, his eyes squeezing shut as he touched her arm.

"There. Just focus on the cold." Ellie slid the ice cube around his shoulder to the back of his neck, "Let it ground you."

He leaned his head back into the ice cube, his skin prickling with goosebumps. He was still trembling, but it was more of his body unconsciously reacting to the lowering temperature rather than rising panic this time.

"There. Just breathe." Ellie put a cold hand on his cheek, wet from the melting ice, "You're doing so well, Hen. Good job. Keep breathing."

Henry leaned into her hand, and she felt his breath against her skin as her thumb brushed up against his eyelashes.

She brought Henry's hand up to the ice, "Here. Just hold it there, alright? I'll be right back."

He did, so she slowly backed away before leaving the kitchen to grab the first aid kit again. Henry still had a cut on his leg from dropping the plate, and she wanted to make sure it didn't get infected. The cut stretched across his outer calf, just above his ankle, so Ellie knelt on the floor to dress the wound.

While she disinfected it, she glanced up to make sure Henry still held the ice in place, "How's your arm?"

Henry shrugged, making the sign for "Touch" and then the sign for "Haven't been".

"Good. So it hasn't been bothering you?"

He shook his head.

"Cool." Ellie bandaged up the cut and then put everything away, "I'd better clean up that plate, too."

Henry hastily shook his head.

"No, really. It's fine." Ellie headed to the door, "Better grab my boots, though."

"Ellie, please. Wait."

She stopped, turning back towards him. His arm was outstretched, his sleeve damp from the ice as his other hand held the cube tight in his fist.

He stood on shaking legs, tossing what was left of the ice cube into the kitchen sink. His neck was completely red from the cold, the collar of his shirt wet all the way down his chest and back. He looked like he wanted to say something, but the words wouldn't come to him.

Ellie's fingertips tingled as she grasped her shirt over her chest, feeling the way her heart pounded beneath them. What was going on? Why did she feel like this? It was almost like rising panic, which she was used to, but it was different enough that it really didn't seem like fear at all. It was more like...anticipation? Longing? Excitement? But for what?

Henry slowly crossed the room until he stood right in front of her, his hands coming up to brush her hair from her face. Ellie was frozen, locked under some kind of spell, unable to tear her gaze away from Henry's as he seemed to get closer and closer-!

The realization struck her like a punch to the gut, and she roughly pushed him away, her face red as a tomato.

"Um, I'll just...uh..." Ellie awkwardly shuffled away, "...be right back, okay?"

She didn't stay to see his reaction. She just bolted through the hallway to the living room where she kept her boots. She took her time lacing them up, unsure if she could face Henry again after all of that. Her feelings were jumbled and confusing, but she could handle it. It wasn't a big deal.

Henry was her friend. She could handle being friends.

By the time she returned, Henry had already swept up the broken plate and was dumping the dustpan in the garbage. He set the broom and dustpan aside as Ellie returned.

"Ellie-!"

"Hold on, Henry. I know what it looked like, but it wasn't like that and..."

God, she was lying through her teeth and it _showed._

"Ellie, it's okay." Henry held her steady, both hands on her shoulders, "It's okay."

She met his eye, her lip quivering as her face continued to heat up.

"Thank you." Henry smiled, "I don't know what it is, but you keep me calm. I...I love you, Ellie."

His face was flushed too, and his chest shook with laughter.

Ellie had done that. She'd made him happy.

"Oh, uh..." Ellie tried to force some kind of response, even though her throat felt tight enough to suffocate her, "I like you too, Henry. I like you a lot. I like you so much, but I don't know if I'm ready..."

She'd been on her own for a long time. Everyone she ever dated turned into a crazy ex. She didn't want to give her heart to anyone else. The idea made her feel exposed. Unprotected. Unsafe.

"Hey, I understand. No worries." Henry's previous panic was completely gone, replaced by giddiness and a fond grin, "We can just be friends, yeah?"

"Oh..."

He accepted that really fast. He didn't even look heartbroken or anything. He was all smiles and laughter.

Maybe her standards were absurdly low, but her heart fluttered at his gracious acceptance of her rejection.

"Um...I-I still like you, though..." Ellie tried to backtrack, "But I don't know, I can't think..."

She trailed off, conflicted.

"Here. I have an idea." Henry closed his eyes, "If you wanna just be friends or decide later, then you can just walk away and we'll pretend this never happened. Otherwise? Stay, and let's talk."

He stayed still, no doubt straining his ears to listen for her choice. Ellie was drawn towards him, though, completely forgetting the room even had doors in the first place. Henry's proposal was inviting, low-pressure, and accepting, which was something she never had in any previous relationship.

In other words; It felt _different._

Henry heard her hesitating, so he said, "Please, feel free to leave. Take all the time you need to think about it. I want you to be happy."

And Ellie knew that he meant it. Her heart swelled for him as she took his face in her hands. His neck was still cold, but it was beginning to warm up by now. Her touch made his smile widen.

Without a second thought, she stood on her tiptoes to place a gentle kiss to his lips.

 _"Mmm..."_ Henry hummed as he held her closer, running his fingers through her hair and stooping a bit so she didn't have to reach so high.

When she broke away, Henry's eyelids fluttered as they opened, and a few giggles escaped him before he could stop them.

"You will never intentionally harm yourself again." Ellie scolded, "Do you understand?"

Henry nodded, "Yeah. Okay. Sure."

She hugged him tight to her body, "Good. I love you, Henry."

"I love you too." he kissed the top of her head, "Don't worry, Ells. We'll take it slow."

And so, the two of them basked in the comfort of each other as the sun cast shadows through the window in a glowing, pale light.

This would be new territory, but this was Henry, after all.

And Ellie knew that she was ready.

***

**Author's Note:**

> Can I just say that writing between people with different pronouns is so much easier!? I swear, it's one if those things that feels homophobic but actually isn't lol.
> 
> I personally prefer Henry x Charles, but this pairing is awesome too, and I got this idea and ran with it.
> 
> Come say hi to me on tumblr! marshemillow.tumblr.com


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